By Angela McPhillips, DNP, RN

The Sleep Training Debate

Few parenting topics spark as much debate as sleep training. Some parents swear by it, crediting structured sleep methods with restoring their family’s sanity and well-being. Others fear it may be cold, unnatural, or even harmful, worrying that leaving a baby to cry could cause long-term emotional distress.

The term "sleep training" is often met with controversy, evoking images of babies crying alone in their cribs indefinitely while exhausted parents resist the urge to comfort them. This perception isn’t entirely unfounded—some outdated sleep training methods may have once resembled this scenario.

But modern sleep experts, including scientists, board-certified pediatricians, and behavioral sleep coaches now use the term "sleep coaching" instead, emphasizing a responsive, individualized approach to helping babies develop healthy sleep habits.

So, what does the science say?

  • Does sleep coaching cause emotional harm, as some critics suggest?

  • Can it actually help babies regulate emotions and build resilience?

  • How does better sleep benefit not just infants, but the entire family?

These are questions many parents grapple with, and the research provides clear answers.

Let’s break down what the evidence really says about sleep coaching: its impact on infant brain development, attachment, and emotional well-being. We’ll also explore the benefits of healthy sleep for parents and family dynamics, debunking common myths along the way.

First, let’s explore the connections between solid sleep and brain health.

Sleep and Infant Brain Development

Quality sleep is essential for a baby’s growing brain. During sleep, the brain processes, organizes, and stores new information, laying the foundation for memory, learning, and emotional regulation. Babies who develop healthy sleep habits early on often show stronger language skills, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving abilities as they grow.

Dr. Nilong Vyas, a board-certified pediatrician and expert behavioral sleep coach, explains the importance of sleep in cognitive development: "During sleep, the brain cleans and organizes the information obtained and experienced throughout the day. When experiences and memories become organized, they help one recall and react to them appropriately as needed."

When sleep is disrupted or inadequate, memory consolidation and learning suffer, potentially affecting a child’s ability to regulate emotions and reach developmental milestones. Prioritizing sleep from infancy supports healthy brain function, helping children thrive both emotionally and cognitively.

Sleep training, or coaching, is a primary way parents can foster their baby’s brain health.

The Science of Sleep Coaching

For some parents, the idea of sleep coaching feels uncomfortable. The fear that teaching a baby to sleep independently might cause stress, emotional harm, or long-term developmental issues is a common concern. However, scientific research consistently shows that sleep coaching does not negatively impact infant emotional or cognitive development. In fact, it may provide positive long-term benefits for both babies and their caregivers.

What Does the Research Say?

Dr. Vyas emphasizes that these common concerns are not supported by scientific evidence. She explains "Countless studies have shown that sleep training does not negatively impact infants' emotional and cognitive development in the long term. In contrast, sleep training has shown a positive long-term impact on both the infant and the caregivers."

Here are some key studies Dr. Vyas and other sleep experts rely on for compelling evidence that showcase that benefits of sleep training: 

  • Sadeh et al. (2015) conducted a long-term study tracking children into adolescence to assess their emotional and physical development after being sleep trained as babies. The study found no negative effects from sleep training. In fact, children who were sleep trained showed better emotional and behavioral outcomes compared to those who were not.

  • Mindell et al. (2006) studied different sleep training methods, including graduated extinction (the "Ferber method") and bedtime fading. The research found that sleep training improves infant sleep without causing harm. It had no negative effects on attachment or emotional well-being.

  • Gradisar et al. (2016) studied gentle sleep coaching methods and found that they improved parental sleep and mental health. Well-rested parents were more emotionally available, which positively impacted their child’s well-being.

These studies reinforce that sleep coaching is not harmful—if anything, it may contribute to better emotional regulation and behavioral outcomes in children.

Short-Term Crying Does Not Mean Long-Term Harm

Another common misconception about sleep training is that crying during the process equals emotional distress. But crying in the short term does not translate to long-term harm—especially when parents implement sleep coaching in a structured, responsive way.

Babies cry as a form of communication, not necessarily because they feel abandoned. Dr. Vyas recognizes that many parents worry about excessive crying. For those who are uncomfortable with traditional sleep training methods, she recommends gentler approaches—especially for babies who haven’t yet learned to self-soothe.

This means that families can tailor sleep coaching methods to what works best for them, whether that involves gradual extinction, bedtime fading, or minimal distress techniques. The goal is not to let babies “cry it out” indefinitely, but to guide them toward self-soothing in a way that feels sustainable for both baby and parent.

Key Takeaway

Parents often fear that sleep coaching will cause harm, break attachment bonds, or lead to emotional distress. But research does not support these concerns. Instead, evidence suggests that healthy sleep habits improve emotional regulation, cognitive function, and even long-term behavioral outcomes.

For families who choose to sleep coach, there are many evidence-based, gentle approaches that allow parents to respond to their baby’s needs while also supporting independent sleep. When done thoughtfully, sleep coaching benefits not only the child but the entire family.

Sleep Coaching, Secure Attachment, and Family Well-Being

Parents may also fear that sleep coaching weakens the parent-child bond. In reality, structured sleep methods can enhance secure attachment by creating predictable routines, allowing babies to feel safe, supported, and in control of their sleep. When parents are well-rested, they are also more emotionally present and responsive—leading to healthier interactions throughout the day.

Dr. Vyas explains that while parents have a strong instinct to meet their baby’s needs, constantly intervening can unintentionally hinder their ability to develop self-soothing skills—with negative consequences. She says "Many parents find it challenging to recognize that their strong desire to meet their child's needs can lead to overindulgence when it comes to sleep. This excessive giving, especially when the child is past the age of needing feeds overnight, often results in resentment, particularly when parents accumulate sleep debt as a result."

Healthy sleep routines benefit not just the baby, but the entire household. 

Research shows that chronic sleep deprivation in parents is linked to higher stress levels, postpartum depression, and increased conflict between partners. When babies sleep well, parents experience less exhaustion, more patience, and a stronger ability to engage with their child in meaningful ways.

By establishing structured yet responsive sleep routines, parents can build a secure attachment while also prioritizing their own well-being. Sleep coaching is not about neglecting a baby’s needs—it’s about ensuring that both babies and parents get the rest they need to thrive.

Sleep Coaching vs. Sleep Training: The Gentle Approach

Many parents associate sleep training with rigid, distressing methods, assuming it means leaving a baby to "cry it out" without comfort. However, modern sleep coaching is a much broader, gentler spectrum of techniques that prioritize both independent sleep skills and emotional well-being.

Dr. Vyas explains a key difference: "Sleep coaching involves working with parents to equip them with the tools needed to address their current sleep issues and provide the knowledge to handle potential future problems. As a sleep coach, I consider the family dynamic, preferred parenting practices, and each child's personality and developmental needs when creating a sleep plan."

Unlike traditional one-size-fits-all approaches, modern sleep coaching adapts to each child’s developmental stage, temperament, and sleep needs—offering a gradual, structured way to promote better sleep.

Gentle Sleep Coaching Methods

There is no single "right" way to teach a baby to sleep. Evidence-based methods range from gradual to more structured approaches, depending on a family's comfort level:

  • Gradual Extinction (Ferber Method) – Encourages self-soothing with check-ins and reassurance rather than immediate intervention.

  • Parental Presence Approaches – Includes techniques like the Chair Method, Camping Out, and fading, where parents gradually reduce their involvement in the sleep process over time to foster independent sleep while ensuring security.

These methods do not require long, unattended crying but instead balance boundaries with responsiveness, allowing babies to develop sleep skills while still feeling supported.

Cultural Perspectives on Infant Sleep

Approaches to sleep training vary across cultures, and in many parts of the world, self-soothing is encouraged naturally from infancy. One example is "Le Pause," a concept popularized by Pamela Druckerman in Bringing Up Bébé:

  • The French "Pause" – French parents wait a moment before immediately responding to their baby’s cries, allowing the baby a chance to settle on their own. This practice helps infants develop self-regulation skills early on.

  • European and Asian parenting philosophies – Unlike some American parenting trends that emphasize constant responsiveness, many cultures naturally promote self-soothing and independent sleep from the start.

Modern sleep coaching techniques draw from these global approaches, reinforcing the idea that teaching babies to sleep is not about ignoring their needs—it’s about helping them develop skills that support lifelong healthy sleep habits.

The Gift of Healthy Sleep

Sleep coaching, when done appropriately, does not harm babies—it helps them. Teaching independent sleep skills builds resilience, emotional regulation, and security, setting babies up for long-term success.

And it’s not just for the baby—well-rested parents are more present, patient, and emotionally available, creating a healthier family dynamic.

Sleep coaching isn’t about ignoring your baby; it’s about giving them the tools to sleep well and thrive so your whole family can rest easy. 

Dr. Vyas Bio: Dr. Nilong Vyas has a medical doctorate from Louisiana State University and completed her Pediatric residency at Children’s Hospital in New Orleans. She is board-certified in General Pediatrics and also holds a Master’s degree in Public Health from Tulane University. During her time in private practice, she developed a passion for sleep and nutrition and founded Sleepless in NOLA, a sleep coaching company that takes a holistic, evidence-based approach to optimizing sleep to promote improved growth and development. With over a decade of experience, she optimizes sleep for the entire family. Dr. Vyas was named Women in White Coats Hero of the Year and Top Sleep Consultant in the US. She has authored numerous articles and published podcasts that have helped reshape perceptions around sleep prioritization. Leveraging her pediatric training, she skillfully addresses the sleep, behavioral, and feeding needs of both neurotypical and neurodivergent children and sees families both nationally and internationally.

References

Gradisar, M., Jackson, K., Spurrier, N. J., Gibson, J., Whitham, J., Williams, A. S., Dolby, R., & Kennaway, D. J. (2016). Behavioral Interventions for Infant Sleep Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Pediatrics, 137(6), e20151486. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2015-1486

Leistikow, N., & Smith, M. H. (2024). The role of sleep protection in preventing and treating postpartum depression. Seminars in Perinatology, 48(6), 151947. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.semperi.2024.151947

Lokhandwala, S., & Spencer, R. M. C. (2022). Relations between sleep patterns early in life and brain development: A review. Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 56, 101130. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dcn.2022.101130

Mindell, J. A., Kuhn, B., Lewin, D. S., Meltzer, L. J., Sadeh, A., & American Academy of Sleep Medicine (2006). Behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children. Sleep, 29(10), 1263–1276.

Pittner K, Rasmussen J, Lim MM, et al. Sleep across the first year of life is prospectively associated with brain volume in 12-months old infants. Neurobiol Sleep Circadian Rhythms. 2023;14:100091. Published 2023 Mar 8. doi:10.1016/j.nbscr.2023.100091

National Institute of Health. Children’s sleep linked to brain development. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/children-s-sleep-linked-brain-development 

Sadeh, A., De Marcas, G., Guri, Y., Berger, A., Tikotzky, L., & Bar-Haim, Y. (2015). Infant Sleep Predicts Attention Regulation and Behavior Problems at 3-4 Years of Age. Developmental neuropsychology, 40(3), 122–137. https://doi.org/10.1080/87565641.2014.973498

Tham, E. K., Schneider, N., & Broekman, B. F. (2017). Infant sleep and its relation with cognition and growth: a narrative review. Nature and science of sleep, 9, 135–149. https://doi.org/10.2147/NSS.S125992

Wilson, S. J., Jaremka, L. M., Fagundes, C. P., Andridge, R., Peng, J., Malarkey, W. B., Habash, D., Belury, M. A., & Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K. (2017). Shortened sleep fuels inflammatory responses to marital conflict: Emotion regulation matters. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 79, 74–83. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2017.02.015